and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
