Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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