Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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