She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
