Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
