I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
