Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
