i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
