my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Randomize
