I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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