So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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