Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
