Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
