If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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