They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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