Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
