there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
