Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
