Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
