That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
