do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
