Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
