Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
