I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
where are you?
Hypothermia
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
