6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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