I'm gonna have a badass scar
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
