ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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