zippers are such a cool invention
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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