U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
