Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
