so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
