i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
