Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
