she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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