He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
