My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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