So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
