Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
