and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
