sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
