Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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