She announced her abortion via fbk
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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