kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
