We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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