Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
