I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
