escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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