so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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