when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
