maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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