my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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