Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
